Sunday, May 1, 2011

Roasting Jane/Political Stuff

I was required to attend a roast of Jane Lopes by my wife - The Lovely Cynthia - which was in retrospect a good decision. No doubt watching the Red Sox performance would have resulted in excessive damage to a plasma TV. Anyways, I was dressed and perfumed by Cynthia for public presentation. I knew this must be a huge event since Cynthia was actually going to be seen in public with me. Thankfully she did not Duc Tape me.

I had no clue as who this Lopes person was other than it was something to do with a newspaper as I heard some casual bar talk about “Hack writer” and “Hatchet Queen.” Cynthia did point her out and she appears to be a reasonably well kept older woman wearing the pant suit version of a Bill Belichick outfit. Just think Botox.

One thing I noticed is that many of the roasters backed out at the last moment so that is usually a clue that no one really gives a you know what. Looking around the hall was obviously “papered” (giving away tickets) to at least give the imagine of a semi full house. I guess at these roasts your “friends” usually show up so I can sympathize about having no friends.

The highlight of the evening was Lincoln Andrews - who obviously had many years of pent up rage and anger stored up and was given the golden opportunity to skewer Ms. Lopes. Was he feigning his ire? I think not. He - like the rest - had a score of scores to settle. Now Mr. Andrews managed to combine the worse antics of Don Rickles weaved into his own unique presentation. I mean he was good! So good that the roastee - despite excessive wine consumption - was actually attempting some form of crude heckling to counter the onslaught. This only encouraged Mr. Andrews who had a wealth of one liners…two liners and ten liners to offer up along with the highlight of Ms. Lopes entire career - a faux house of ill repute that she attempted to save from the developers axe. Say, Jane, how did that work out?

The entire affair did raise some significant coin for the Parks Department and Jane probably has a enemies list comprised or has just grabbed a local phone book and will start with “A.”

Thank you, Jane, for actually making me want to wait for the mail truck to arrive on Thursday afternoon. You know my addiction to weekly locals and as one who travels considerably I always grab them. When I say the Gazette is top notch I mean it is superb. That begins at the top. Just your community resume alone made you an ideal choice for this “honor.” And the reality is it was an honor based on respect, love and your giving back to Middleborough.

Oh….The Gazette is still only fifty cents and when Jane eventually gets her pension she will realize why.

All of a sudden the Massachusetts House has turned into a group of Republicans. In an overwhelming vote they decided to limit collective bargaining and thus gave cities and towns a potential break on the exasperating issue of health care. The whine from the unions just cranks me up as they promise to “punish” those 111 who voted in favor of this long due legislation. The unions just don’t get it. They could see for years this fiscal tsunami heading their way and did little expecting the long illustrious history of union toadyism on the part of the long entrenched Democrats would offer protection from this state becoming another Wisconsin and Ohio. Surprise!

The real fact is just looking at the G&E contracts and carrying over similar structure to city, town and state governments demonstrates clearly why the general DPS (Dreaded Private Sector) worker bees have zero sympathy. How often do you see the term “Suspended with pay” when a public employee is caught in some type of personal or professional quagmire? Doesn’t happen the DPS.

The legislature also managed to actually address an issue that has been ignore for decades and that is public assistance - fancy PC term for welfare - fraud, abuse and so on. No longer can our tax dollars be used for the ever important lottery tickets, booze and tobacco. Fines will also be levied on those businesses which participate in the broad range of scams. My only concern would be level of enforcement. Don’t expect much with that.

Alan Khazel - love child of the anti gaming crowd - has offered up his body Aztec style to face Scott Brown. Khazel has an interesting and varied political background with a good portion of his carcass resting and firmly planted on the left side of the political spectrum. I give Trump a better chance.


anonymous said...

Lincoln did a wonderful set up for his roast by giving a brief history of his first encounter with Jane many years ago. That set the stage for what was to follow. Set up is everything.

All the roasters did an excellent job and I am sure what's her name enjoyed it as best she can.

Seriously Jane had a real deadpan summary of the evening. Well done.

bogofree said...

A very enjoyable evening. Certainly more entertaining than the Red Sox. Wonder if Jane could play catcher?

jane lopes said...

Oddly enough, I'm somewhat relieved that Bogo wasn't invited to be a roaster. I only feigned wringing Suo's neck. Besides, it surely would have killed Bogo to deliver the charming essay above - he would have had to say nice things about me in public.
P.S. None of those tickets were given away ... well, to be honest, though, everyone was issued a season's pass to the BOS meetings.

bogofree said...

Well...on the heels of that. Say, Jane, did you see Alice Elwell's article in The Enterprise (Still only a $1).

Looks like our chair of the MG&E has decided to imitate the lifestyles of the rich and famous.